discouraging...

Oooff, this is scary... bombs trying to move belts or change its form, whatthefuck... i’m sorry, guys, but cannot help thinking that if that men sitting there and sending all those stupid rockets into the so-very-nice-as-it-is sky would have had a baby in their lap, a toddler on their knees or a real worry about their children, would have not done this ever in their lives. Bombings. Wars. Killings. Would u send your children there? Do they really care about anything but themselves? In Nigeria police is killing pple on the streets. Lie down there. Shoot him in the chest. And brilliant comments to the issue are kind of ok, sure they knew they had done sth wrong, where they terrorist? And everywhere, children on the streets, lost, forgotten, abandoned, used, abused, ill-treated, beaten, eaten...

Living in a child-eating world...

Thought and designed by men, patriarchal society, gods and power are all the same. Saturn Devouring His Son, Abraham going to kill his, father’s authority everywhere and... everything in behalf of an entity (whatever u may call it, society, country, this god or the other... it doesn’t matter, it’s all the same crap) that doesn’t really represent anybody. Not to talk about anybody’s children... Die, die for me, for your country, for your values, a society without values, without my values is bad, bad, are u not scared? reign of terror, don't think, just obey me, i know what i'm talking about. U just don't. Don't even try, u wouldn't understand. Let me explain u... look into my eyes...

Half-moon eyes

This week-end’s been great, simply great.

Getting my present back =) is always charming and sweet, and then going to the seashore (are we there yet? is it far? but very very far? are we there yet? and now? are we there now?) and watching him bath, jump, play, jump, lie down, jump again, let’s make a castle, let’s make a mountain, let’s make a bridge, let’s put some alligators in there, let’s break it all, i want to go sleep now, mom, rubbing his itchy reddish eyes full of salty water... cover me with the towel, please... Are we going to the swimming pool yet?

Frantic activity full of smiles and laughs, half-moon eyes, little hands extended, wait a moment, i’m going down to the swimming pool but will be back in a second, just wait a moment (??!! NOOO, u’re NOT going down by yourself!!). And then, exhausted, the little wolf song, mom, now the one of the train, and Mary Poppins, ok?

This week-end’s been great, absolutely great.

Restless

I’m being sooo stupid... but i can’t help it, just can’t. And what if... and what should i... and, shit, what in hell... Come on! Stop right away! Let’s not jump guns and wait before crossing bridges and all that crap; things are hard enough even if u don’t keep worrying before u know what the fuck is going on! But, hey, that’s me, can’t stop wracking my brain...

Worst part is i don’t know if i’m more worried or thrilled... and that’s bad, that’s so very baaad... Question is not whether i want or not. I do want. But could i? Probably not. And that’s sad.

Should i stay or should i go

‘Tis always hard to say bye, more if u don’t want to, even more if neither of u do. U keep thinking that’s the way it is, u knew from the beginning, anyway it was not gonna work, it never does. U keep telling yourself that’s the right thing to do, we’ll see, who knows, life gives you surprises from time to time. But it is hard to say bye.

That's all about today... Mondays suck, that’s what i can say about it. After a great week-end here it comes, right across your face: reality. While going down to earth yesterday and listening to the long-forgotten music i happened to have in my car, i was feeling very sad.

It’s being long, huh? Can’t help it, just can’t... I’m not gonna say i had loads of things to do, because it is definitely not true, at all. It goes more like i don’t feel like doing anything, not even thinking. I’m going to keep going and let’s see where it takes.

I had two friends coming from quite far and a bit farther, staying three days and almost one week, not at the same time. Good, innit? Truth is u don’t realise how much u can miss sb till u finally get to meet him/her again; then, when u hug, talk incessantly at first, get quiet and just thoughtful at times, go for a beer, look at each other and all that stuff, that’s when u realise. And the moment they go and u feel how comfortable has felt to have them close...

I went to the beach one day (things-to-do list). Met a guy there, very young, in fact. Well, thing is i’m used to older guys, so everybody else seems so very young... Feels good to know that u may still b attractive for sb young and hot =) mostly when, lately, the only thing i can think of in front of the mirror is how very old i look. I know it’s not exactly true, i know i’m not old at all, and everything, but just can’t help it. Nothing happened but for some kissing and touching here and there. Still, i may go back one day, he even rings from time to time! ;D