guilty dreams

It is frustrating, and I know it’s not even fair… But in a way, I guess I feel life is kind of over… I mean… no more traveling, no more new experiences, no more new tastes, new bodies, new adventures… I feel like a very old person, alive just through memories. And now I’m being unfair once again… My children are very rewarding, I love being with them, watching them grow, everyday, their occurrences, the way they see the world… It is enriching. But I miss, don’t know… that moment when I was feeling down, fed up… and I could plan my next adventure. Not very far, not even very adventurous… Just going away from daily shit, from daily routine. Just dreaming about it. Now I feel guilty even when dreaming.