Sunday, June 6, 2010

Wake up and smell the coffee

Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh!!!! I'm feeling kind of jealous of my ex, now... Note the “kind of”, please. I’m not really jealous, i don’t mind him hanging out with any other women, i've never being jealous and this is not the moment to start. But i have to say that this is a feeling just as destructive. I am kind of jealous of his social life, i guess. What if he is "dating" anybody? I don't care, it's his life and, in fact, i'd be glad for him. But... His social life's always been very ample, let's say. He's always had all the friends i didn’t have, so in fact nothing’s changed... But still...

You know, lately, my private life sucks. Not that i'm lacking offers... but i don't feel like having sex with any of the men i used to. That's all. I'm bored. And don't feel like going out look for others neither... or just going out have a drink... i’m feeling sociopath. I’ve always been a bit sociopath, in fact. The kind of sociopat that doesn’t like people, not the one that goes around killing them. Though from time to time i swear i’d kill somebody i know... Guess i don’t have the copyright there.

I’m feeling sociopath and self-destructive.

I guess i need sex.

I don’t want to go back with him. Do you know why i know? Not because lately i have learnt how stupid he can be, or how mean. Probably that’s only because he’s mad at me, or sth like that. He may hate me. He’s a good guy, in fact, though sometimes it’s hard to see. It’s simply because I like finding the things where i left them, and the way i left them. For example, the toilet seat cover. Can't help it! And the back of the frying pans, huh? It's clean now!!! And i don’t even have to use a scraper every two weeks... Besides, i like being alone. Smoke a joint by myself, from time to time, while i'm reading a good book... Guess all this not only means that i don't want to go back with my ex, but that i don't want to live with anybody else.

I wonder if this is gonna last long... probably. That's what i want now, in any case...

Anyway, seems that i do need to wake up and smell the coffee. I guess i’ll have to move close to a coffee shop, or sth.

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