Tuesday, June 1, 2010


My grandmother underwent a PET scan last week.

Kind of imagined a nice little animal waving its tail cheerfully and licking your hands, big expressive eyes and everything... Well, mmm NO.

Maybe they keep using this sort of nice little nicknames so that u don’t get too scared beforehand, maybe because thinking of an animal licking your hand would soften almost everybody’s mind, maybe because while u are thinking of it u won’t think much of that little man that’s to tell u you’re pretty much dying.

Ok, maybe not. In any case, i have to say that it doesn’t work, so they could stop thinking of cute monikers and start thinking of better ways to really describe the thing.
Utility to Get-word about Health (UGH), or Structure Unity Checker for Key Spots (SUCKS)...

PET will say if u have hot spots somewhere, along with the size and nature. Then doctors will tell u. Or your Grans. PET shows two hot spots in addition to the one we already had localised–i can picture a bold little guy, in a white coat, looking distractedly at some papers, not into anybody’s eyes–, so we are no longer operating. We’ll wait for the results of some other tests.

And then my mother told me. That’s the best part. She’s always been so tactful! I have good news and bad news. Good news are that Grans won’t undergo surgery the day after tomorrow–i’m absolutely puzzled, but before i have time to actually open my mouth to say that it doesn’t seem such good news for me–, bad news are that PET showed three spots; the lung one, we were aware of; the second one is on the adrenal gland–that’s fucking rare, in case u didn’t know–and the third is quite close to the colon–she was operated down there about a month ago, now she’s got a bag-to-be-filled-with-shit that she carries everywhere. Only starting to get used to it.

My mom could have said sth like good news she’s not being operated, bad news WHAT FOR?? That would have been quicker.

Ok, a positive attitude is half of it. And even more in cancer processes, at least that’s what i’ve heard. And family support is important. So i won’t be thinking she’s gonna die any minute. So i won’t keep repeating to myself please don’t die, please don’t die. So i won’t go to bed and cry till my throat seems to have a piece of chalk stuck there so that i can’t swallow.

No comments:

Post a Comment