Why in hell do i want him so much, i wonder...
He’s not... dunno, nothing. Not handsome, not hot, not even tall... But gosh he is fucking attractive to me... He wins me over just by winking. Can’t help it...
Here is one of my (many) problems: i melt when a guy looks at me in a certain way. I already said that i don’t know how to say NO when it comes to it. As i said that i’m not consistent with my own decisions. I guess that’s all related to that little melting problem.
When i was younger and far less sensible, i thought it was about time to have a boyfriend or something. So i met a guy at high school and there u go, two years later i thought that it was about time to fly by myself.
He was nice, sweet and good looking (though not my type of good looking; too fair and childish). And now that i think of it, he may have not been that sweet... But i don’t remember many things about anything anymore, so i just couldn’t say...
He was five years older than me and looked like my younger brother. We lived together for a while. His habits were a bit too much for what i was used to. He tried to stop smoking because of the money, but he transformed into a mean bastard and we were living in a twenty meters studio, so the situation became quite unbearable and we decided that he’d better keep on smoking (please). This being not his only habit, i got used to many things like having a piece of shit the size of a tray, sniffing coke by the sea or hanging around with people that (ab)used drugs and alcohol every few days. I got tired of all this. Never really understood much of their behaviour, but, even if i didn’t join them most of the times, just seemed to be the way... don’t know...
One day everything seemed very clear. It was over.
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