Vomiting

I wonder when things became so confusing. I know there is always a point where, though u do remember what happened, just cannot recall how it did. U don't recognize yourself in that person that decided whatever u decided, and u can't even thing of what in hell brought u to take that decision. Why did u fall in love with that guy, why didn’t u leave when it was so obvious it was about time, why did u come here and didn't go there, why, why, why. Wondering and puzzled, not really regretful.

Every time i feel that way, i feel like vomiting.
My whole life is like vomiting. Vomiting what i think, what i feel or what i need. Cannot communicate properly, just vomit. I feel like vomiting, soothing and relaxing, just like i feel like disappearing, hiding my head under my wing, i wish i had wings, flying away, high, very high, burning my wings and falling.
And i almost can’t remember why i shouldn’t. But for the headache.

It’s like a boyfriend you quitted long ago. U don’t really remember why u stopped anymore, or just vaguely, so u start wondering what if i tried again. Then there is that very sour taste in your lips and suddenly u remember everything. But u know you’re bound to forget again, and to keep wondering why shouldn’t i for the rest of your life.